Questions About "Us" for Couples
Every relationship has a story — but most couples never stop to tell it. These questions invite you to look at your relationship itself: what's working, what's changed, and what makes your partnership unique. It's like a relationship check-in, but warmer.
Why Reflecting on "Us" Matters
Gottman's concept of "Love Maps" — the mental model each partner holds of the other's inner world — extends to the relationship itself. Couples who can articulate what makes their relationship work, what they've overcome, and where they're headed have a stronger shared identity. Research on relationship narratives shows that how couples tell their story — whether with warmth or contempt — is one of the most reliable predictors of whether they'll stay together.
Us Questions (Depth 1)
Going Deeper: How Our Questions Escalate
Depth 1 explores what you appreciate about your partnership. Depth 2 examines your shared strengths and patterns. Depth 3 invites you to reflect on your relationship's deeper meaning — what you've built together and why it matters.
When you use our timer tool, each question has up to 3 depth levels. You'll see a “Go Deeper” button that transforms the question from surface-level to soul-level — at your own pace.
How to Use These Questions
These questions are ideal for anniversaries, relationship check-ins, or any time you want to step back and appreciate what you've built. Take turns. Listen to your partner's perspective on your relationship — it might surprise you.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a relationship check-in?
A regular conversation where you and your partner step back from daily logistics and talk about how the relationship itself is doing. Research shows that couples who do this regularly are more satisfied and resolve issues faster.
How often should couples do a relationship check-in?
Weekly or biweekly works for most couples. The key is regularity — a 15-minute check-in every week is more effective than an hour-long state-of-the-union once a quarter.
What if we discover problems during a relationship check-in?
That's the point. Catching small issues early prevents them from becoming big ones. If something comes up that feels too heavy for 15 minutes, acknowledge it and schedule a longer conversation — or bring it to a therapist.
How are these different from couples therapy questions?
These are lighter and designed for healthy couples who want to stay connected. Therapy questions typically address specific problems or patterns. Our questions are about appreciation, reflection, and maintaining closeness.
“I just want 15 minutes with you tonight.”
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